Donna’s Pilgrimage - on the road to beautiful

Our fast has ended. 21 days of carrot juice and water, done. My breakfast banana was the most amazing banana I have ever tasted. I have lost 18 lbs., and seem to have a deeper sensitivity and awareness of myself and those around me. Without meals to make, and food shopping to do, I had more time to think, and dream, and knit, practice piano, read and pray..all good stuff. Although there were no huge revelations, (not yet, at least), there were lots of answers and proddings, and searchings.
We’ve decided to stay raw and that will be another adventure. I’m craving adventure right now…wanting desperately to remember childhood dreams and fulfill them. “If not now, when?” is going to be my new motto for awhile. Wonder where this is going?

I read an interesting quote the other day, and Alicia’s blog reminded me of it. “You don’t really know what you think until you can say it.” I’ve been thinking about how I’m not good at articulating my feelings, my pain, my disappointments, my needs, my joys, or so much more. I keep so much inside so that I can explode at the drop of a hat, and lots of hats have been dropping here lately. As I read bonesighs I once again was reminded about not running away, but jumping deep into my feelings, trying to get to the bottom of my disappointments and my frustrations, and learning new and better ways to speak and show love. I’m often surprised at what the root of my feeling really is. Of course, this means slowing down and thinking about things more. I only do this every 1000th time, but that’s a start.
I’ve been getting together with four or five women on Fri. afternoons to talk about a book called The Friendship of Women. The book isn’t very good, but our conversations are. One of the women is a psychologist. She’s so good at reading people, and stopping us right where we are to have us try to discover why we are feeling what we are feeling and what we should do about it. She’s helped us understand lots about ourselves hoping we will be able to be better friends to women bc of it. She’s so intentional with her words, and she doesn’t let anything go until she really understands it. Yes, troublesome at times, bc I have to keep explaining things till she gets what I’m saying, but truly helpful in the end for both of us. So, here’s to going deeper…again.

Showering is not over rated! This morning we finally got to shower, do dishes and clean toilets. Doesn’t that sound like fun? It was wonderful. But already with the return of the water comes a re-entry into reality. Things do have to be cleaned, cooked, and cared for. People have to be seen and there’s already been a slow down in time for reading and knitting. My quest is to find the balance and simplify along the way. Charge!

What a woos I am. Yesterday when I blogged I was still in pioneer mode… upbeat and creative. This morning I want a shower and a clean kitchen and flushed toilets. Whine, whine, whine.

Life slows way down when you have no water. We have had water problems off and on for the past few weeks. Yesterday morning our water was turned off in the middle of my last load of wash (around 8), and we’re still waiting for its return. The well drilling has finished at 350 feet, and we’re waiting for the next crew to come and reinstall the “things” that are setting all around…couplings, and such, pipes, and a pump. Maybe today, we are told, tomorrow for sure. So we wait. We don’t/can’t wash dishes or ourselves, make noodles (as in boil anything), and we can’t flush. This has lead to one big slow down. We watch out the window a lot. That drill rig was pretty impressive, and it stayed overnight. We read, we even talk more, we make water decisions for the future (like who gets the first shower, and what priority is washing clothes). We cook thoughtfully and carefully. We drink sparingly. I’ve been experimenting with hand sewing and upholstering, and reading, and even read through the directions to my new ipod…things that had to be put on hold during the gift making frenzy.We ‘re pretty scuzzy, so we haven’t rushed out to meet people or even eat out. We’ve hunkered down and slowed down, and you know, it’s not that bad at all….I’m appreciating water, and determined to use it more carefully when it returns. It even tastes better.