counting the omer
I am counting the omer for 49 days from the day after Passover till Shavuot(Pentecost). It’s an old testament tradition that I thought would be fun. Little did I know. It’s been one of the most intense things I’ve done in a long time. Every night I meditate on one of the seven attributes of God, or a combination of 2 attributes, and the next day God addresses that attribute, what it really means, and how it applies to and affects my life. I feel like I’m being dismantled and can’t be rebuilt till all the demolition is complete. There have been days of gentle revelation, and days of intense questioning, days of grace, and days of strength and severity. I really thought I had been pretty well dismantled when Jack died, but no, not completely enough. Apparently I’m still holding out, and that won’t do.
On Sunday, for instance, after the meditation on Sat. night had been on intimacy…I walk into church and Tozer’s quote about Christians singing lies hits me, so I have to think about every word that’s on that screen to be sung, and truthfully, I couldn’t sing hardly at all that morning. I’m reminded of Mark 10 where Jesus in one instance cautions that people have no idea what they’re praying for. So, my praying’s different now bc I want to understand what I’m really praying for. And I’m only on day 8 out of 49. Ohmygosh! This is wild stuff!
You may not recognize me when this is over!