Donna’s Pilgrimage - on the road to beautiful

Since I spend alot of my time with kids… I think alot about how to teach them, and how to befriend them, and how to get and keep them moving toward God.
I’ve been wondering lately if seperating them and entertaining them are really helpful to their spiritual growth. Why not help them learn from birth on that they are an important part of what we do as a family/church?
Instead of separating them for Bible stories, games, snacks, and crafts, why not integrate them into our stories, conversations, worship, and prayers? Are they too young to pray and prophecy, too young to speak what we need to hear? Too young to hear from God themselves? Too young to recognize God’s voice?
How young is too young to hear/know about salvation? the Holy Spirit? serving? worship?
Children played a part in most revivals. Some began with them. The Bible has lots of stories of children being used in mighty ways. Jesus valued them and wanted them around Him.
Maybe 5 years ago I read a book about training children by David Walker. I thought it was a great book, but put it away knowing that the church I was attending would never go for it…too radical. (Incase you don’t already know, most of my family thrives on radical.) Well, that book surfaced again last week, and I couldn’t put it down. Again, it gave me so much to think about. Have we helped our kids by separating them? It’s like we keep secrets from them because we don’t think they’re ready. Is that our job, to judge their spiritual readiness? Or do we tell the unsugar- coated truth early, and let them see it how it works out in their lives and ours, allowing mistakes and questions all along the way?
I’m thinking of making some radical changes in our kids’ ministry. Pray for us!

I need balance. ..
Last night at the Kid’s Corps I was so unbalanced, and then so were the kids. I go from getting them wound up and excited to expecting them to sit quietly. How do I model a life that’s present in the moment with control? Can I really sit back and let the consequences of their actions be their teacher? More rules has never been the acceptable solution for me. I want as few limitations as possible, they hear the word”no” too often. I love their enthusiasm, but it’s without self discipline. Self discipline….how do I ever get elementary school kids to think of that? But if this kids thing is going to keep growing, I need to find some answers…ways to help them want to control themselves (not be controlled), ways to help them want to evolve into kids for Christ (not to fit an adult’s mold), ways to help them want to make small changes that will keep them moving forward ( not remake them into any image I have of that sweet little Christian kid), and most of all ways to strengthen them for what lies ahead. Most of them live lives I can’t even imagine… horrible family situations, very poor, drugs, porn, and more. My heart breaks for them; I know that’s where it starts, but where do I go from here?

Thank you to everyone who stopped by on Friday to help us remember Jack. We appreciate hearing the stories…funny and serious… of how he affected the lives of those around him…even a year later. Planting the tree and eating his favorite meal opened the door to easy conversation. After a year it’s nice to be able to talk openly about Jack without making others uncomfotable and without always crying.
We hung out at the house till after 11. Dave played my piano and we worshipped and prayed together. Good times.
We headed up to Nazareth, Pa. to visit my family on Sat, and came back last night. I was concerned about my father’s health.
He is so much fun to be around. Eventhough he doesn’t talk well since his stroke 4 years ago, he communicates very well. He fished, took a boat ride, walked the hill, built fires, and stuffed himself with steak and tater tots. Yes, we took Jack’s favorite meal to share with them, too. It opened the way there, too, to talk openly and often about Jack. Infact, by Sunday, Nanny was telling everyone we ran into that her grandson and my son had died a year ago, and we were remembering him by planting things. She sent home a flat of purple pansies with us, because that’s what we had at Jack’s memorial service, and planted last fall to return in the spring as a remembrance.
My mother is not doing as well mentally as we had hoped. She can’t remember things like how to cook certain dishes that she rasied us on, or stores that we shopped together, or even the last dog my dad had. And she was adamant about never having or having done any of those things. Also, we’ve been suggesting for months that she have her eyes checked, and she still hasn’t…she sees “good enough”. She seems to be out of touch with reality, and when I tried to talk to her about things going on in the family, or her finances, she would change the subject. Even when I called her on it, she would change the subject. Don’t know what to do except make an effort to be a bigger part of their lives.
Anyhow, it’s always so good to be home. I love my own bed, and my home is so peaceful. I always return with a new appreciation of things I too easily take for granted.

Hope yesterday’s blog didn’t scare you. I’ve been super emotional for weeks, and can’t blame anything on pms anymore.
This morning John and I took time to grieve, remember, cry, and be still together. It was very helpful, and healing. We were each able to remind the other of things we had forgotten. That was precious. How quickly I forget the answers to my prayers, even the extravagant ones. I’m so defective!
I look forward to sharing tonight with family and friends who will be stopping over.

I’ve been thinking alot about my emotions lately…mostly how I hide them. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wore them openly. No one had to wonder how Jesus was feeling, nothing was hidden…not grief, anger, or joy. And, He never apologized for them. Now granted, I say more than what I hear My Father saying, and do more than I see Him doing, but, for this past year I’ve been trying to hide most of my feelings, especially the grief, and along with it the anger and bitterness that sometimes accompanied it. I wore the mask.
Yesterday I had a new helper serving coffee to the seniors. She is someone I’ve liked from our first introduction, but never had the chance to get to know. Yesterday we had a chance to visit and share our hearts…one of her sons died at age 4. It was so natural talking to her. I came away with some new insights and perspectives . She encouraged me to look back to see how through all Jack’s life God had put special things in place that allowed us to have a relationship very few mothers get to have with their sons….John always said I was Jack’s best friend. I’ve decided that wherever I am, I want to be fully there, nothing “1/2 assed”… all of me fully in the process…whether grieving or celebrating, and often they share the stage. Because the process, the pilgrimage, is the real deal. It’s not just a way to get to the end…it is the end. It’s where I’m shaped, transformed, conformed, and polished…and it’s painful, but truly it’s the only way to be that flesh over Jesus. I want so much more…more God, more life, more love, more joy, more relationships, more service, more openness, more giving. So watch out!!!!!!
Tomorrow we have this little memorial planned. It’s been a year since Jack moved to his new digs in heaven. Nothing scripted, just sharing with family and friends. At first I wanted to just be by myself and cry all day…I do that well. The more I listened to the people around me who knew Jack, the more I realized we all have unanswered questions, we all miss him, and we have things to share about how he affected our lives. So that’s what tomorrow is going to be about…taking off the masks and being fully in the process of sharing grief and joy with no apologies .

My first blog…I’m so excited!
I noticed Dan titled my blog wisdom from momma h…the h stands for hen. Momma H is the nickname my teen girls’ bible study gave me…cute, isn’t it?