An update on life

I was giving a friend an update on everything going on in life lately and he responded by saying, “When it rains…”

He is right. It is pouring right now.

On Friday evening Dan’s grandmother, Nanny passed away. From the moment I met her Nanny accepted me into the family and always greeted me with a hug and a kiss. Her hands were always busy doing something to care for a family member. Now I’m getting to hear stories from her hometown of how she was a friend to many. What she accomplished in her life and the legacy she leaves behind is astonishing.

Yesterday my mom, sister & I went to court for a  hearing regarding the settlement over Jarrett’s death. The already stressful event had potential to be even more stressful. There was a possibility my dad would show up and we would have to testify about how he was never a father to Jarrett. It’s been really hard for me to “deal” with all of this. It’s the two greatest pains of my life converging together. Luckily things went as well as to be expected yesterday - my dad didn’t show and we didn’t have to testify. Now we only have one more hurdle to jump over before all of this stuff will be over with. Then maybe I can focus on healing and remember Jarrett.

I can’t describe exactly how I’m feeling now, other than it feels like stress and fear. Last night as I went to bed I took a moment to examine how I was feeling physically - exhausted, sick to my stomach, headache, lightheaded and my heart was beating fast and hard. I slept hard, and even overslept. Today has been a bit better, but I’m really just wanting the weekend to get here so I can feel like I have time to rest.